Angelic Layer Daily News

ISSUE 02

MAD SCIENTIST ARRESTED AT PIFFLE PRINCESS
The usual cheery air of the Piffle Princess [hobby] store was broken yesterday when a man in a white lab coat and glasses was escorted from the building after causing a scene. Eyewitnesses report that the man was hurling Angelic Layer products around the room with blatant disregard of public safety.
"He looked kind of shifty," said one witness. "I think he was following around the new deus, Misaki Suzuhara," said another. Who is this mad scientist, and what is his [lin]k to Angelic Layer? If you should run across this shady figure, stay away -- he may be dangerous!

SCHOOL GIRLS DISAPPEAR FROM TOKYO TOWER
During a field trip to Tokyo Tower yesterday, three local girls from three separate classes reportedly disappeared. According to the girls' classmates, none of the three knew each other prior to the disappearance.
In a bizarre coincidence, one of the girls, [...] bears the same name, red hair, and determined nature as the new Angelic Layer angel [of] owner Misaki Suzuhara.
Police have been unable to uncover any [clues], but apparently the CLAMP School Detectives suspect that it might be tied into the battle between the Dragons of Earth and the Dragons of Heaven.

ISSUE 03

POLITICIANS REINSTATE CHOCOLATE PROHIBITION
by Takashi Yamazaki
The day that millions of children have feared has finally come to pass -- the Chocolate Prohibition of the eighteenth century is being reinstated. [This has] come as quite a surprise to many, but in [...] scientists determined that the chemicals in chocolate could cause paralysis in children. It's a [little known] fact, but chocolate makers tried adding [...], caramel and chewy nougat to neutralize the chemicals, but the recently popularity of plain, [big bars of] chocolate, has caused authorities to reinstate the ban on chocolate for all minors under the age of [...].
White chocolate and almond chocolate are also included in the ban. Children found eating [chocolate] will now be fined 50,000 yen per bar, or 3[...].

ISSUE 04

TOMOEDA TEEN EATING CONTEST
On the light side of the news, 16-year-old Yukito Tsukishiro won the 1st annual gyoza eating contest at the Tomoeda Country Fair c[...]ful youth ate a total of 126 Gyoza in the 5 minute [...], more than three times the [...]est competitor. "Gyoza are great," said Tsukishiro. "I could have kept eating then if they hadn't run out." Following the competition, Tsukishiro was seen eating corndogs, yakitori, shaved ice, and steamed buns.
On a relative note, several sweet vendors at the fair complained to security that a plushie toy winged lion had stolen their deserts. Of course, the complaints were not taken seriously. I mean, 'c'mon, a plushie toy eating sweets? Please!

20-FACES STRIKES AGAIN
An 800-pound ice sculpture of a mermaid was stolen last night from the Tokyo World Import Mart. Witnesses at the scene said that the masked thief known as "20-Faces" used a construction crane to steal the sculpture and make his getaway. What the pre-teen purloiner has planned for his prize is unknown. Akira Ijyuin of the CLAMP School Detectives had this to say: "20-Faces is a brilliant thief, and I'm sure that his motives are pure. I can understand why all the young ladies find him so attractive." Rival thief Saint Tail was not so kind in her assessment of the criminal. "I started the whole romantic thing with a top hat thing, and I'll sell my hedgehog before I let some upstart punk cut into my act." More on this as it develops.

CLAMP CAMPUS DEFENDERS CHECK INTO LAYER REHAB
Kentarou Higashikunimaru and Take[...] Shuukaidou, members of the famous CLAMP School special unit Duklyon, checked into the Betti Foldu Center after confessing their addiction to Angelic Layer. "We've become unable to fulfill our duties as Campus Police," says Higashikunimaru. "When your mind is stuck in the layer, you can't sense crime." Confirming these statements are startling figures from the CLAMP School crime report. Pety theft has increased 23% in recent weeks, vandalism is up 14%, and costumes supervillainy has made a shocking 450% increase. It's not just law-abiding citizens who are suffering. "My grades have been falling like cherry blossoms," [rest of article cut off.]

ISSUE 05

CHIEF MIHARA'S ASSISTANT DISCOVERS MIRACLE DRUG
Masaharu Ogata, personal assistant to eccentric Angelic Layer founder Chief Mihara, stunned the scientific world with his invention of a miracle drug for calming the nerves. Particularly shocking is that Ogata's training was in engineering -- he had never even taken a course in biology or chemistry in college.
"Yes, I assure you it IS a Lawful Drug," Ogata said. "They say that necessity if the mother of invention, and I must concur. If I hadn't discovered this very Lawful Drug, I think the stress of working for my boss would have killed me!"
When asked for comment, Ogata's employer, Chief Mihara, had this to say: "Icchan go BOOM!"
Ogata warns takers of the drug to be careful, "Daily use of the drug cause[s] poisoning," he says.
Currently the drug can only be found at Tokyo Green Drugstore, which regular shopper Mick Nekoi describes as "a drugstore with medicine and a danger." Buyers beware.